Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
To the man who stole my heart...
Dear Brandon,
your letter has left my hands trembling and my eyes crying. My love for you expands beyond anything I can even begin to describe. From the second I saw you in that parking lot you had my attention. I thought about you constantly,aching to learn everything about you. That smile, that laugh...I was addicted.
You found me at the darkest and loneliest point in my unlife. It was fate, you were meant to rescue me from destroying myself and I was meant to wake up that part of you that had forgotten how to love and be loved. I knew from the first time you held my hand that it was you. You were my eternity.
Although my heart no longer beats, I swear I felt it flutter the first time you kissed me. I wanted you from the 1st time I saw you and you have shown me that love does not mean being miserable and made a fool of. You were cold and closed off when you came here but you smiled and laughed when we were together showing me a tender side, taking care of me and bringing me out of the heartache that was slowly eating at my humanity.
I have always been able to read minds, yours was closed off to me and a mystery in the beginning but you began allowing me in, letting those thoughts through to me. I fell in love with you without even thinking about it. We saved each other. Baby, I never want to be without you. My world means nothing if you're not in it.
Yours for eternity,
Mrs. Kaplan (love saying that!)
your letter has left my hands trembling and my eyes crying. My love for you expands beyond anything I can even begin to describe. From the second I saw you in that parking lot you had my attention. I thought about you constantly,aching to learn everything about you. That smile, that laugh...I was addicted.
You found me at the darkest and loneliest point in my unlife. It was fate, you were meant to rescue me from destroying myself and I was meant to wake up that part of you that had forgotten how to love and be loved. I knew from the first time you held my hand that it was you. You were my eternity.
Although my heart no longer beats, I swear I felt it flutter the first time you kissed me. I wanted you from the 1st time I saw you and you have shown me that love does not mean being miserable and made a fool of. You were cold and closed off when you came here but you smiled and laughed when we were together showing me a tender side, taking care of me and bringing me out of the heartache that was slowly eating at my humanity.
I have always been able to read minds, yours was closed off to me and a mystery in the beginning but you began allowing me in, letting those thoughts through to me. I fell in love with you without even thinking about it. We saved each other. Baby, I never want to be without you. My world means nothing if you're not in it.
Yours for eternity,
Mrs. Kaplan (love saying that!)
Dear Alicia..
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
My world beforeand shortly after being turned.
Life was never easy on me.It seemed no matter how hard I tried to make things work out for me, something or someone would come along and flip everything upside down again. I had bounced around in foster homes throughout my teenage years, my mother had been an abusive alcoholic and social services took me from her. This was the start of my fear of being alone and always needing someone around.
It was around this time I started drinking and doing drugs. Looking for something to numb the pain from being alone in a world, moving from home to home with strangers. I found the "cool kids" and started doing what they did in order to feel accepted. Drinking, sex and drugs, they all did it so I did too. It was a fucked up situation, everyone was wasted and fucking everyone, but that became the norm for me. It ultimately landed me in juvenile detention.
I moved from Maine to Connecticut in an effort to put my life back together and finish high school. I moved back in with my mother, I was just 16. I believed she had changed, she told me she had. It didn't take but 2 days for her to be blackout drunk on my birthday, throwing my sweet 16 cake out the 3rd story window in front of my friends and telling me how big a piece of shit and disappointment I was for me to leave again.
I got my own place and started working to pay the bills, closed off from the world. I worked to live and lived to work, struggling to make ends meet. This went on for several years, I was unhappy with my mundane life and really didn't care whether I lived to wake another day.
It was around this time Luna and I crossed paths. She was the first vampire I had ever met and her and I became fast friends. I learned she was pregnant with Conner's child and that her and Conner were both out to kill each other. We would hang out and talk and spent most of our time together. It wasn't long before I developed a vampire stalker. Someone that used to get into my house or peer into my windows at night while I slept. Luna was extremely protective of me and quickly brought me to the mansion she lived in with Natalia, the Queen of NYC. I begged Luna to change me, make me vampire so that she did not have to protect me and I would be of more use to her if Conner were to send someone after her. She kept putting it off, trying to convince me that it wasn't something I wanted, until finally one day I cornered Natalia and talked her into doing it while Luna was out.
I loved the new sensations and feelings and had kept my telepathy after the change. Everything was heightened. I met Nick the nigh after being turned, and him and I spent the night together, I trusted him right away and we quickly developed a love affair. I thought it as love anyway. I look back on it now and know it was a physical craving. Being vampire you crave sex almost as much as blood especially as a newborn. Nick was never there and when he did come around it was usually for sex and he'd be gone again.
This only further fueling my separation anxiety and hatred of being alone.
I met Felicia while Nick and I were together,and she convinced me that there is no need to be in a relationship if I spend all my time lonely and waiting on him. So..we broke up.
Felicia and I started seeing each other and she played off my emotions. Knowing how I hated to be alone and I craved attention she used this to her advantage. Convincing me I would find no better while she continued trying to get into everyone's pants. So....this is a little insight into why I am the way I am. All I ever knew was abandonment and being victimized. Brandon is slowly changing me, but I have a feeling it is going to take a lot of patience and time. If anyone is able to break me out of it, it's him.
It was around this time I started drinking and doing drugs. Looking for something to numb the pain from being alone in a world, moving from home to home with strangers. I found the "cool kids" and started doing what they did in order to feel accepted. Drinking, sex and drugs, they all did it so I did too. It was a fucked up situation, everyone was wasted and fucking everyone, but that became the norm for me. It ultimately landed me in juvenile detention.
I moved from Maine to Connecticut in an effort to put my life back together and finish high school. I moved back in with my mother, I was just 16. I believed she had changed, she told me she had. It didn't take but 2 days for her to be blackout drunk on my birthday, throwing my sweet 16 cake out the 3rd story window in front of my friends and telling me how big a piece of shit and disappointment I was for me to leave again.
I got my own place and started working to pay the bills, closed off from the world. I worked to live and lived to work, struggling to make ends meet. This went on for several years, I was unhappy with my mundane life and really didn't care whether I lived to wake another day.
It was around this time Luna and I crossed paths. She was the first vampire I had ever met and her and I became fast friends. I learned she was pregnant with Conner's child and that her and Conner were both out to kill each other. We would hang out and talk and spent most of our time together. It wasn't long before I developed a vampire stalker. Someone that used to get into my house or peer into my windows at night while I slept. Luna was extremely protective of me and quickly brought me to the mansion she lived in with Natalia, the Queen of NYC. I begged Luna to change me, make me vampire so that she did not have to protect me and I would be of more use to her if Conner were to send someone after her. She kept putting it off, trying to convince me that it wasn't something I wanted, until finally one day I cornered Natalia and talked her into doing it while Luna was out.
I loved the new sensations and feelings and had kept my telepathy after the change. Everything was heightened. I met Nick the nigh after being turned, and him and I spent the night together, I trusted him right away and we quickly developed a love affair. I thought it as love anyway. I look back on it now and know it was a physical craving. Being vampire you crave sex almost as much as blood especially as a newborn. Nick was never there and when he did come around it was usually for sex and he'd be gone again.
This only further fueling my separation anxiety and hatred of being alone.
I met Felicia while Nick and I were together,and she convinced me that there is no need to be in a relationship if I spend all my time lonely and waiting on him. So..we broke up.
Felicia and I started seeing each other and she played off my emotions. Knowing how I hated to be alone and I craved attention she used this to her advantage. Convincing me I would find no better while she continued trying to get into everyone's pants. So....this is a little insight into why I am the way I am. All I ever knew was abandonment and being victimized. Brandon is slowly changing me, but I have a feeling it is going to take a lot of patience and time. If anyone is able to break me out of it, it's him.
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